When you are not practiced at seeing fear, it can be a tricky thing to recognize. Why do you need to recognize it? Because you can’t do anything about fear if you don’t recognize it for what it is.
Do any of these sound familiar?
1. Judging others
When we judge other people or are irritated or put off by certain types of people, it has more to do with our own fear than the other person. The traits that you dislike in that other person are things that you fear in yourself. I know, this might not be what you want to hear, but it’s true. If you didn’t fear that particular thing, it wouldn’t bother you when you see it in other people.
So, what to do about it? When you find that you are judging someone, ask yourself what you are judging them on. Then take an honest look at yourself. Do you have this trait, even sometimes? How do you feel about that? Does it make you crazy even thinking that you might have this trait?
If you see this same trait in yourself or just are afraid it might be there, have compassion for yourself and acknowledge yourself for having the awareness to see it.
2. Defensiveness
All of us have something that we get defensive about. This is your clue that fear is playing a role in this area of your life. When do you feel defensive? How do you react when you feel defensive?
Just know that defensiveness is your thing. It has nothing to do with the other person. Do you start making things up about the other person or situation when you feel defensive? Do you decide in that moment that the other person is just jealous of you or is out to get you? Maybe they don’t like you? Fear is making all of that up for you.
When you feel defensive, look internally for an answer and be grateful that this person is helping you see yourself more clearly. I know, this is easier said than done. But, what does easy have to do with changing your life?
3. Negative self-talk
Practicing the art of self-clarity can bring up all kinds of insecurity. This is prime time for negative self-talk. It’s also the worst time to do it. When you are seeking to learn more about yourself and your true nature, you must show yourself some compassion. You wouldn’t say some of those nasty things to other people but you’re ok with saying them to you. What’s up with that?
When does negative self-talk show up for you? I’m guessing there is a pattern to it. Is it always in relation to your job or is it with your kids? Is it only pertaining to relationships or running your business?
It’s important to know when your negative voice shows up. This negative voice is fear. Fear is always going to help you stay in your comfort zone. If fear tells you what a dummy you are, you are much less likely to make a bold move and step out of where you’re comfortable. Right?
When that negative Nelly starts talking, this is your cue to come up with some compassionate, encouraging words for yourself.
The bottom line is, fear shows up in many ways in our lives. If we are unaware of what those situations look like, we can’t change it. Practice noticing when fear is playing a role. That’s all you need to do for now.
The next step is to make a choice about how to move forward once you know that fear is present. That is a subject for another post!
If you’re ready to tackle fear NOW, contact me to inquire about Fearless Living Coaching. Did you know that I am a Certified Fearless Living Coach? This means I am uniquely qualified to help you discover how fear shows up for you and how to manage it. The investment for your first Get Fearless Discovery Session is only $25 for 45 minutes.
No obligation and this discussion might lead you to making changes you never thought possible. Call me at 408-723-5290 or send me a note at Vicki@mykickasscoach.com
ps-sorry the spacing is a little wonky in this post. WordPress would not let me have it the way I wanted it today. Much like life sometimes. 
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
Great article. I especially love the steps you recommend taking when you recognize that you’re being judgmental. Very helpful. Thanks.