I am not a fan of playing victim or martyr. Actually, I find it very irritating. I want to scream, “You have choices! No one is holding a gun to your head”. I am seeing this mentality more and more lately – especially on Facebook and online in general. It’s time we shine a light on it.
What does it mean to play victim or martyr? It’s when you act as though you have no choice but to make certain decisions or display certain behavior, usually due to another person’s actions. This is complete and utter bullshit and you know it. No one can make you do anything. You make the decisions you make because you choose to.
Some examples of victim and martyr that I’ve seen or heard lately:
- FML! If you don’t know what FML stands for, ask someone. J I see this one on Facebook all the time in regards to jobs and relationships or any other thing that happens to be going “wrong” today. Have you ever noticed it’s the same people day after day who claim their life sucks? If you don’t like it, change it.
- Claiming that everyone is judging you and feeling terribly indignant about it. Hmmmm. Aren’t you judging others by claiming they are judging you and expecting them to be anything other than who they are? Quite a conundrum, isn’t it?
- My job sucks but I can’t quit. This means you are choosing to stay for some reason. What is that reason? Stop saying it sucks and that you have no choice. You do have a choice. More than one, actually. Choose to acknowledge why it’s working for you to stay or choose to leave.
- I want out of my relationship but I can’t leave. No, you are choosing to stay and complain about it instead of working to make it better or leaving. Again, you have choices.
- Claiming you hate drama yet creating it at every opportunity. I love this one. When you claim you hate drama but choose to air your dirty laundry or attack people on Facebook (even under the guise of self-defense), this is you creating the drama you claim to hate. Also, being overly sensitive and getting your feelings hurt at every turn and then blaming everyone else.
- Blaming your partner for everything that is wrong with your relationship and claiming you’ve “tried everything”. You haven’t tried everything or things would either be improving or you would be gone. It’s time to take a good hard look at yourself and where YOU can improve things.
I can think of more but I’ll stop here. Where do you see this happening? Where do you play victim?
I want to offer this: you always have a choice. What you see in your life at this moment is a direct result of the choices YOU have made. It’s not about anyone else. It’s not someone else’s fault. The beautiful news is that if you created this, you can create something else. You just have to take 100% responsibility for your life. All of it. The good, the not so good, the great and the totally awesome. Playing victim takes your power away.
It’s all you, baby!