Chances are you have experienced more than one of these socially awkward communication mistakes while talking to someone. Hopefully, you aren’t making many of these mistakes yourself. We all screw up sometimes, but if you’re making too many of these mistakes, people are probably avoiding you like the plague.
- Appearing cold – not being warm by smiling and making eye contact, or making eye contact but not responding when the other person speaks. Even if you aren’t responding because you’re shy or unsure. It causes discomfort and leaves a bad impression.
- Speaking too directly – this one depends on how well you know someone. When you first meet someone or don’t know them well, speaking too directly can be a turnoff.
- Only talking about you – not asking any questions or showing interest in others. A conversation is two ways. You do not have to always have a counter-story or bring the conversation back to you.
- Talking loudly and over everyone – this screams, ‘hey, look at me, I need attention’! If you feel yourself compelled to get a word in, ask yourself why it’s important. Chances are, your ego only thinks it’s important. Don’t do it.
- Making too much eye contact – some people find this very intimidating and intense. Mix it up but don’t spend your time looking around and not at the person you’re speaking to either.
- Making other people feel uncomfortable – by talking about taboo subjects or pointing out embarrassing things.
- Being negative or petty – complaining, gossiping, and whining.
- Smiling while saying something shitty – you are still a bitch even if you are smiling when you say something insulting. You aren’t hiding anything or being sly.
- Being generally needy – needing too much attention and approval gets old real quick. Always bringing attention back to you will turn people off.
- Being overly sensitive – getting offended easily, taking things personally. Making it all about you and acting as if other people are not allowed to have their own opinions. Everyone does not have to agree with you or like what you like.
That about sums it up. This is only a small list. If you have more examples of communication mistakes, leave them in the comments. Feel free to share this with the people in your life who need it!
If you are the one who needs it and you know it, contact me for a $25, How To Make Friends and Influence People session. Yes, I stole the name from Dale Carnegie. That guy knew what he was talking about.
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Lots to think about. Another blog like this about the communication mistakes online that make people “hide” you would be useful, too!
I worry a lot about #6 due to the nature of my business. I often say that embarassing other people is the only thing that embarasses me.
Being a great communicator can be hard work. We all want to be liked. And, communication should feel balanced and a “back and forth” – thanks for the reminder.
I’m sometimes guilty of being too direct with people…and/or I bring up taboo subjects… I say what most people are thinking but are afraid to say… Like, “Did you know that your eyebrows are trying to get away?” or “You’ve gotta be pretty secure in your masculinity to wear a shirt like that…” or “Hey, the 80s called and they want that ripped sweatshirt back…” or “Is that a real wedding band, or is it a decoy?”
Who really knows what’s going to come out of my mouth? It can be scary for some people…but, I am working on toning it down a bit… I should probably get a coach of some sort… Hmmm….
Thanks for sharing!!! That is great advice!!!
Wow, well put. I think I have been guilty of all of these at some point. Ouch…
I have been working hard to improve my communication skills and these will help me even more. Thanks!
Thanks for sharing! Great tips to keep in mind. I’m shy in the beginning so I always worry about coming across cold, but once I’m comfortable I have the opposite problem! When I’m comfortable I start getting too comfortable, saying things that may be better left unsaid.
I’d love to see a blog post like Chrystal suggested about social etiquette online.
Thanks for the great advice!!
Sooo… if you KNOW someone who makes all these mistakes — how do you tell them without becoming the subject of the blog (e.g. the dislikee)
My biggest failure as a communicator is being TOO passive and not direct enough and find that sometimes, it’s a big a faux pas as being the aggressor.
I’ve known a tremendous amount of “number eights” over the years so I appreciate the call out – yes, you ARE still a bitch even if you smile, and no you’re not really getting away with anything because the rest of us really do know what a complete bitch you truly are… lol! Thanks for saying it like it is, Vicki!
It’s funny. Number 8 seems to have hit a nerve with people based on the comments here and on Facebook. I recently had a run-in with a woman who has number 8 down to perfection. Little did she know, I am immune to this kind of BS.
You can put #8 in the her place by looking her in the eye, smiling, and stating your truth. Don’t let them bully you with bitchiness and a smile!
These are really great, and I’ve definitely been guilty of some of them, and some people came to mind when I read others. I have to say that #8 made me laugh out loud! Being a bitch with a smile is still being a bitch. : )
I often find myself being the diplomat, but that doesn’t always have it’s place, and sometimes I *should* say something if it’s a productive comment. There’s definitely a balance to be found of needing to communicate something that’s not so positive, but doing it in a kind way. This comes up a lot in my business, when feeling like I need to tell a client that what they’ve selected isn’t really right for the project. I never want to be a #8! : )
These are all great Vicki! I’ve recently had some communication challenges via email when it comes to how my team communicates with clients. I’ve had to issue some simple reminders for professional correspondence like always use proper grammar, punctuation and sentence structure; never abbreviate the name of the client’s business and be super careful about typos and misspellings. As much as verbal communication has to be concerned about, written communication, especially when it’s supposed to be on a professional level, has some guidelines for ‘good behavior’ as well.