We all have a system for filtering everything that we hear and experience. Most of the time, we are completely unaware of this system and the huge role it plays in our lives. You know the old game of “telephone” where you say something to someone and then they pass it on to someone else, and on and on it goes. At the end, what the last person heard is completely different from what you started out saying. This is our filtering system at work.
Sometimes, even though you are sure you know what someone is saying or attempting to say, you may only be getting part of the message or even a completely different message based on how you filter it.
This is why misunderstandings occur so often when we are communicating. We listen to our filters instead of the actual words that the other person is saying. If we listen only to the words, not the meaning that our filters lay over it, you can hear the actual message.
Have you ever had your feelings hurt by someone and that person has absolutely no clue what happened? Chances are, what hurt your feelings has more to do with your filtering system than with the words that were spoken. A filter can make a word mean something that it doesn’t. If your filtering system tells you that other people are against you or cannot be trusted, then you will always hear that in what they are saying to you.
What if your filtering system told you that everyone was on your side? What if it told you that everyone has good intentions? What if it told you that you know what is best for you? How would your experiences be different?
Next time you have a conversation with someone and you’re starting to feel threatened or hurt or defensive, ask yourself what your filtering system is telling you vs what words are actually being spoken. You might be surprised to find that you are being misled by your own guidance system.
Take note of how you filter what comes into your world. It can have a profound effect on how you experience people and situations.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Vicky you make an excellent point. When dealing with clients I always try to make sure I am paying attention to what they are saying, with the filter off. After all its about them not me.
Jennifer Duchene
The Home Makeover Mixtress blending cool and cozy style.
We "listen through our filters"….. we all need to hear that on a daily basis. A reminder on my mirror in my bathroom perhaps. I also try to tell myself "don't buy what the media is selling" based on some advice a good friend gave me once. Thank you for the reminder, Vicki.