I declare March as kick-ass communication month! The way some of us communicate, every month should be dedicated to improving it. Could your communication skills stand a little polishing?
Do you ever feel like people just don’t get what you’re trying to say? Are you ever frustrated by someone telling you you’re missing their point?
Want to know why communication can be so challenging at times? Here’s my humble opinion:
*WE DON’T LISTEN – sorry folks, but we just do not really listen when someone is talking. We are busy trying to come up with our own brilliant retort. Listening requires that we be present. Being present means we are right here, right now and nowhere else. Being present means that we are not in our head thinking or looking around the room or yawning.
The best way I have found to practice being present, is to truly take an interest in the person speaking. Be CURIOUS. Don’t rush. Relax and enjoy the conversation.
*WE MAKE THINGS UP – instead of actually focusing on the words that a person is speaking, we are busy running their words through our filters and coming up with a meaning that is completely different from what they actually meant.
Based on our past experiences, environment, limiting beliefs and emotions, we end up hearing a different message than was intended.
Focus on only the words that the person is speaking. If you feel an emotional reaction to what someone is saying, chances are, you need to focus on their words and not the tone or speed of their speech.
*WE ASSUME – when someone speaks, we tend to assume we know what they mean. We don’t ask enough questions. We don’t clarify.
For example, a friend says, “I’m so irritated right now”! You know they were just passed over for a promotion. You will likely assume you know just what they mean and how they feel. In order to really know what the person means, you want to ask questions.
Ask what is making them irritated. Ask what about the situation is irritating. Ask what they mean by “irritated”. You probably think you already know the answers to these questions but the real answers may surprise you.
Being present, focusing on the words being spoken and asking questions can take our communication to the next level.
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This is a great talking point. I mean, I frequently hear this topic discussed, and think to my self, yeh I am a pretty good listner, at least I like to think that I am. After, all I did get a college degree in speech communications. Is there some right of passage there? I’d like to think so. However, if I am to sit for a moment and contemplate am I truly a good listner I come up with this: yes and no, it depends the state of my cup. You know my tea cup… is it full, like run-ith-over or is it half empty. It is in this self analysis that I can summons my immediate listening skills. For when my cup is empty I find I listen very poorly, like Vicki says I am drifting off or thinking of what I may say next to make me feel good or even make me look like a good lisener! Yet, when I am over flowing with self love and acceptance, it is in that delicious place that I yearn to ask the selfless questions that Vicki shared. Where I feel that I am so in the moment drawing someone out not for my agenda, but for the simple sake of connection and sharing the love that results when we are present for one another.